Anniversary Post

Our anniversary was back in September and we decided to go to a nice bed and breakfast in one of the old, country towns that is not to far from our house. We got there early and wandered around the antique shops and just had a nice day.

Afterwards we went back to our room and took a nap. And then we decided it was time for us to play, I was told to go clean myself out. So I went into the bathroom for probably a half hour and listened to Rush. When I came out I got to see my beautiful wife lounging around with her strap-on just waiting for me. 

All I can say is she used me in every corner of that room. My wife had her way with me for a long time and it was such an amazing night. I felt so connected to her. And it was overwhelming too. At one point she talked about going ass to mouth and I said "No way!" She stopped fucking me and had me get on my knees as she stood over me with her strap-on in my face. And she lectured me that if she wants me to suck her cock after she has fucked me I will do it. All I could say was "Yes Ma'am." Luckily she went back to fucking my ass and never made me do that.

Afterwards we went to a wonderful dinner and a had an incredible night.

Njoy Butt Plug

I spent a good part of yesterday cleaning out my closet (it was truly a nightmare), my wife yelled at me that I should have warned her as she almost had a heart attack. Yes, it was that bad. I am really close to being done.  It's probably 95% done with just some boxes to go through.

I really wanted to get this accomplished but another reason was in that disaster my Njoy butt plug lived.  As I have said we are going to be focusing a lot on anal in 2014 so this will be used a lot. In the past my wife has given me weekly targets for how long I needed to wear it so it was important to find this.

I am not sure if you have experience with the Njoy products but let me tell you they are top notch stainless steel insertable products. And being that they are all metal you definitely notice the weight but are very easy to use for long term use. Other butt plugs I have never felt are designed well for long term use. I highly recommend.

2014 Goals

While we were away this past weekend, our son ended up spending Saturday night in our friends' room (all the kids wanted to be together). So Sunday morning I woke up and wanted badly to have sex (I love morning sex but with the kid around it never happens). I was able to convince my wife, through begging and pleading that it was a good idea and she really was doing it just because she knows how much I love it.

Well I am a very verbal person and love to be talked to during sex. So I had asked if she had been thinking of any goals for the new year in terms of the FLR relationship and she had. So the goals she has set are as follows:

1. No more breaks from our new roles, she knows things come up but from now on we deal with them in our agreed upon dynamic. As I have said she is really embracing our new roles and is very happy in the roles. She feels we work much better with her the dominant and my following her lead.
2. Currently she only makes me clean-up (eat) probably about 50% of the messes that I make when I am allowed to cum. Going forward her goal is that will be 100%. UGH!!!! I hate this and it is so disgusting, but as I have said before thinking about the times she has made me do this is always hot.
3. She want us to focus on making BDSM/Kinky play happen a lot more. She acknowledge that we have to really force it for awhile to get ourselves back in the routine. She feels that we have gotten our relationship dynamic in a good place (still a lot of room for growth but it is an ongoing process) but we both want play to be a part of this and it needs to be a focus.

I got nervous about goal number two as we were having sex and whether she planned on implementing it immediately. She said no, she was worried our son would wander back over. But going forward yes....

We have talked some more and I have asked that we make the theme for the year anal. We both love it but it just doesn't seem to happen that often. But I think after an incredible anniversary date we both realize how much it needs to be a focus. So that is our theme and I asked that we add one additional goal...

   4. To work me up to the point that by the end of the year she will have fisted me. This is a pretty big goal and my wife is doubtful but I know if we focus on making play and anal play happen we can get there.

So those are our FLR/BDSM goals as they stand for 2014. Not sure if she will decide on any more, like chastity goals or anything. We try and keep the number of goals down (but that have a lot of things under them) so that we can focus on hitting them. We have other goals but not really appropriate for this blog.

Weekend Away

Sorry for the lack of posts recently, we will get back to posting now that Christmas is over.

We ended up going away for a family vacation this past weekend and ended up extending so we went right into the craziness of the holiday when we got back. It was an interesting trip, we went with another family that is very open that they are in a female led relationship but are not in any way kinky.

It was funny when we met them it was very apparent that the wife was the boss in the family. As we got to know them it was very clear that this was their relationship dynamic but we didn't know how to broach the subject. Then we saw something that they had written and they clearly said that she was the head of the household.

That made bringing up the topic a lot easier. So we broached it and can now discuss things openly which is good that we have someone to talk about it.I have to say when it comes to service he is the best role model for me. He really has it down but at the same time it is good to see that he sometimes gets frustrated with the requests I think it helps me see the reality and that even if my wife gets upset when I am frustrated it happens.

Over the weekend we had a good discussion about goals for 2014, look for that post hopefully tomorrow.

Doldrums Fading Away

The weather here is heating up, today will be in the 60's and then 70's tomorrow. As you all have read my wife and I have had a lot going on her dealing  with her meniere's and me with work and of course both with the pre-holiday stress. So we had agreed to put things on hold until the New Year.

But I have gotten through all of my work issues and we have pretty much gotten all of the Christmas shopping done. And my wife is feeling a lot better, so much so she has been very vocal about not enjoying the break. So I asked her if she wanted to go back on Monday (we are very busy this weekend), she was very quick to say YES! And sounded very relieved.

She said she still has something special planned for New Year's Day but just feels that we really work better with her leading, chastity and the kink.

Holiday Duldrums

Life has been more then a little stressful lately, my wife is struggling with her Meniere's as I talked about in my last post. Besides the vertigo, the meds just make her incredibly tired. And work is crazy for me before the holiday and just the overall stress that comes from the holidays...so stress really just abounds.

So we really haven't been doing much and frankly trying to force it was becoming stressful. You know it not happening and my wife worrying that she needed to (which she didn't). But we had a chat yesterday and decided we needed to go back to a vanilla mode until New Year's. My wife asked "would I be ok with it?" And of course I was we need to take care of us first and the rest will happen when it is the right time. I know she is really disappointed but she will be able to recover and not be stressed about what she is doing or not doing. And I can focus on getting my work crap out of the way. To be clear she is still the boss and in fact was pointing out last night that I was slacking on the laundry.

I know my wife has a lot of plans for New Year's day, she was planning before this happened. So I imagine she will be even more motivated. In the mean time we have a lot of family time carved out and we are going to spend a lot of time on goals for the New Year (personal, career, family, home and FLR).

We were out at dinner last night and we talked about the blog. I think I will post some of our past exploits, like maybe my pre-bachelor party and some other fun times.

BDSM Event

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Checking In

My wife has been pretty ill since last Wednesday, she has Meniere's Disease. That is an inner ear issue that causes vertigo and it has been acting up since last Wednesday. So I have been definitely doing a lot of service because I have had to take care of her and deal with the house and the kid.

So not really that much to talk about. I did get out on Thursday and have been allowed to have to cums. Haven't been locked up since because I needed to be out Saturday morning (but ending up being sick so didn't do the activity I was suppose to).

Hopefully my wife will soon feel better.

 

Thoughts in Chastity

I know that there are a lot of people out there that go for long stretches in chastity. I don't have any idea how they do it. I was able to cum on Saturday and then locked down so today is day  5, yesterday I walked around feeling like I had blue balls all day. This morning I woke up at about 5am with my cock trying to break out of it's metal cage. I have been busy with work this morning so hadn't really noticed anything but just got up to get some coffee and WOW, the blue balls are back.

On the upside, I am scheduled for a cum tonight, but unfortunately do not think I will be allowed to have sex with my wonderful wife as it is that time of the month for her. She has been sick so I doubt she has anything special planned but I asked her and she that she still planned on my cumming tonight. Which is a good thing since her parents arrive tomorrow so I assume I will be back in lock down until at least when they leave on Sunday.

Discussion with My WIfe

A blog that I follow had a Wife and Husband having a discussion about chastity & their relationship and I thought that was a great idea. So like all great ideas I am stealing it for my blog. It will hopefully give you a bit of my wife's side of the story. So what we have agreed to is I am going to write out some questions for her to give you her thoughts. And then depending on the responses maybe some follow up questions. If it is received well maybe we will do more of them, maybe le you email questions or something who knows.

Can you share a little bit about yourself so that people can get to know you? I am a 43 yr old IT professional, mom & keyholder of WLMHubby.  I've been active in the D/s & BDSM world for almost 18 years but I've been naturally Dominant for probably my whole life.

First, we have been working on the FLR for the last couple of months, can you share your thoughts of how it is going?  I think we've found our groove and it seems to be naturally falling into place.

And if you are happy with the changes?  I'm very happy with the changes our formalizing our dynamic has brought about.  We communicate better and seem less stressed as a couple.

What are some of the biggest challenges you think we have had?  From my perspective the biggest challenge initially was accepting that being bitchier & more demanding was OK.  I worried that it might damage our relationship or cause more discord.

Did you think it would have worked out as well as it seems to be?  I'd hoped but truthfully had some reservations but figured nothing ventured nothing gained.

You were the one that was always interested in chastity, can you tell us about how you got so interested?  In my experience men work harder when they are interested in having sex with you and less focused when they are having sex on a regular basis.  

Now that we are actively using chastity in our relationship how are you finding the reality?  Reality is very much what I expected.  You are more focused on me & my needs.

Are you enjoying it as much as you expected?  I think I answered this already but YES very much so.

I know we both expect to go farther in terms of your control. Would you share some of your thoughts about what you would like for us to be working on in the next year?  I think greater focus on getting our house in order both literally & figuratively.   Working on integrating this into our lives even with our parents around in a very natural way.  Just falling further into the dynamic so it is completely 2nd nature and doesn't feel at all forced or intentional.  I'd also like to add more BDSM back into our day to day lives.

As I have talked about before we have played around with trying to move into a FLR a couple of times before, this time feels different like it is really working out or as you say we are in the groove. Can you share your thoughts on what is different this time that it is working out?  I believe we were both equally vested from the beginning vs being at different stages prior.  We worked hard at it in the beginning even when it wasn't always easy.  We both kept the lines of communication open so we could work on issues as they arose vs just letting them fester.  And we are still working on it.  This is a marathon journey and not a quick sprint.

Thanks to my wonderful wife for helping with this post. As I have said before she reads all of my posts and the few comments I get. 

Cage Maintenance

I really hadn't expected much of anything to go on last night as the football game was on. But I started having some discomfort and pinching in the jailbird. So I explained this to my wife and asked if she could let me out to apply some coconut oil and just shift things around.

She said sure, when we got our son to sleep and I walked the dogs, it was time. My wife said that she wanted for us to take a bath and that she was going to take me out so that everything could soak. I had shaved her legs the night before so it was just a relaxing soak.

Afterwards she said alright and she said go get the rope. So I grabbed the rope and she secured my wrists and elbows. I was getting excited, which she decided was a reason to start smacking my cock around. I hate cbt and will be completely honest I am a wimp with. She apply the coconut oil and then left me tied up and just kept whacking my cock for a long time.

When her amusement past she then complained how was she suppose to put it away. I was rock hard (what can I say I guess my cock likes cbt). After awhile she was able to get my balls in and a few minutes later my cock. So I am back in lock down.

I will say I had thought when she did such a complete tie I had some serious teasing coming my way. But it was not meant to be. And I am grateful for the relief (everything feels much better today) and her using my cock to amuse her.

Getting Back

We are working on getting back to our routine. Last night we took a tub and I shaved her legs. Then we watched "Heat" with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy, which was very funny. Our son has a day off from all the snow and ice so he has been entertaining himself watching netflix, so I didn't have to make the bed. But got her tea made, laundry done and kitchen straightened up.

Doing ok with being locked up, yes it has only been since Saturday night but we haven't really done long term. I am horny as all get out but that is my normal state. During our tub last night after I was done shaving her my wife rubbed the cage with her feet. That just drove me absolutely crazy!

We had a good conversation through G-Chat today. Just reviewing where we are in our relationship, what we need to work on before the New Year. As I have said we really want to have this worked out where FLR is just how we are. I think in terms of FLR, we will be where we want to be. We are a little out of our groove because of last week but expect that to quickly be corrected. There are some areas that we need to make more of a focus and be consistent with. And we agreed that we both still interested and would focus more on.  It was a good conversation and I think that we are both on the same page and were happy with our progress.

Tonight will be low key because of Monday Night Football but we have big plans for tomorrow night so I am excited.

Locked Again

Last night after we got the kid down, had me massage her legs and then she said alright it's time. She made me put on a condom which made me worry about needing to clean up afterwards, although I was unlocked I have not been given a chance to cum since Monday so I knew there would be a lot.

She started playing with me and telling me all she has planned for this week. Good it was hot, of course she is suppose to have her period so although she has a lot of hot things planned, there will be an added level of grossness. Which at the time will not be hot but I am embarrassed to say was really hot last night and thinking about it now has me straining against my cage.

I got to the edge a couple of times and asked her to back off so I could savor the experience. Then she said "I never said you were definitely getting a good one!" Oh No!!! Well she edge me a couple more times but then she let me cum and boy did I explode.She just looked at the condom and just started giggling about how much there was. Yes, I will admit it I begged and begged to not have to do it. I talked about all of the disgusting things she has planned for my week and since it was our first day back couldn't we just skip it.

She looked at the amount of the load again and said "alright, go clean yourself up and get back in here. I am going to play with myself with the vibrator and you need to help and if it is not a good one what we talked about will seem easy." I rushed to the bathroom and cleanup and got back, she had already started. I went for her nipples as they always make it a good orgasm. Because she is so close to her period she said no because they were too sensitive. DAMN! So I started to play with her letting my hand lean against the vibrator and started talking about the things she had said to me.

She came and came hard. When she was done she started to say "DAMN YOU!" Apparently she thought without her nipples it would be difficult to make it such a good one. Well, the talking about the things she had planned really turned her on (She really gets into humiliating me and doing things that I find disgusting (which is hot for me too)). She said it really pushed her over.

A little while later she locked me down. Her current plan for release is Thursday but I asked her this morning to fuck my ass on Tuesday. We have never done this locked down and I am interested to see how that experience will be.

Happy Return to Things

This morning we resumed our WLM status and I can tell you we are both relieved. My wife was in the shower and I went over and gave her a kiss and said I am glad we are back to our normal status. She let out a big sigh and said "Yeah, me too." And then gave me a couple of tasks that she needed done and I was off.

Handled the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen and got her tasks done. My wife took our son to a school activity when they got home we went out as a family to do some grocery shopping. She hurt her back this week so I was quick to make sure she did not pick anything up. When we got home I dealt with the groceries, walked the dogs and then made lunch. She has been very quick to going back to giving instructions and having me do things.

I am still not yet locked, last night she decided that I deserved one last cum before lock up again but wanted to wait until we had resumed things. With her back I don't think she will be up for sex but even a handjob would be great! Of course the reason I think she waited until we had resumed is she gets so hot by forcing me to consume my mess. I can tell you I think it is disgusting but a couple days later for some reason I remember it being really hot.

What can I say I think that this style of relationship really works for us.

Unexpected Week Off

Sorry for being gone so long. As I wrote in my last post, the our fun ended the other night when I got some bad family news, an Uncle who was an important part of my life growing up was being taken off life support. He past on Monday. Then I came down with a horrible chest cold.

I told my wife that I needed a day off from the WLM. I thought that would be enough I just needed to not have to focus but then thought the comfort of the routine after that day would help. But then my cold just kept getting worse and worse. So we have pretty much been off all week. I can really tell my wife has missed our new roles. And I can say it really works for me too.This week has kind of been awkward, I still tried to do a lot of what I do for her because I know it makes her happy.

We would have probably gone back Wednesday or yesterday but work has been crushing my soul this week, new systems at work. But I just went up and talked to her. We are going to do a little something tonight and then tomorrow we are back to the roles we have grown comfortable with.

Last Night

After we got our son to sleep, my wife said she wanted to take a tub. I said I would give it a little while to make sure our soon went to sleep. Once I was comfortable I went to join her. She unlocked me and I got ready to shave her legs. After we got out and we returned to the bedroom I was told to get a condom. 

I dug one out but somehow it was a flavored, no idea where that would have come from. But she gave me a look and then put it on me. She said "This first one I am going to just play with you. Then I am going to play with my vibrator for a bit and then we are going to have sex. While we are having sex though you are going to have the contents of the condom and the condom in your mouth. Then when we are finished your going to lick me clean." Wow was that hot to hear.

So she began to play with me and I wanted it to last forever. But with the lack of attention I've had I realized I was getting close and asked her to slow down. Damn it it was too close and as she pulled her hand off I started to cum....Oh know my first cum after 8 days and it started to look like it was going to be a ruined one. I begged her to stroke it as it was too late. Luckily she was kind and resumed, can't say it was a monumental one or anything but it was pleasurable.

True to her word she rolled over and grabbed her vibrator and was working it. It didn't take very long at all for me to be ready for round 2 and she said are you ready? I said yes and she pulled the condom off and deposited the contents into my mouth and the condom (which was even worse then the cum, disgustingly sweet strawberry). She mounted me and was really really into it. So much so she came really fast, I asked her about it today and she said my laying there with the cum in my mouth just got her really hot. 

She got off of me and said we would go again in a little while. After a few minutes, yes I still had the cum and condom in my mouth, I started to just get sick. It wasn't from the cum, nope it was the disgustingly sweet condom. I frantically started flapping my arms so she knew there was an issue and she said "go to the bathroom and deal with it." So I did, oh god that was horrible.

I figured we would be starting round 3 soon but after I got back we got a call. Unfortunately I got some really bad family news which put things to an end. It was a fantastic night with a lot of fun. I am not locked up as I have asked for a day to deal with the family stuff (today is just a mentally exhausting day) but have asked that it only be a day and that we get back to the FLR tomorrow. I really think that the structure of our new structure and her being strict will help me to get through this difficult time. 

 

Tonight's the night....I Hope?!?!

We survived the holidays!!! And my wife was very direct and bossy this past week (I loved this). But really other then that everything was pretty vanilla. A good part of it is my own fault, nights where she had plans we would consistently get into fights and that would end that

As it stands hopefully I will be unlocked tonight, this has been the longest I have gone 8 days. And really I cannot wait I am climbing the walls. I think/hope that I will get more then one release. I say hope because we have had some bickering and she keeps threatening to extend (really need to shut my mouth). At the same time that I am really really excited, I am also dreading it. As I know release means I am looking at clean up duty. My releases are generally very large and after 8 days can't imagine how much there will be???

My wife is telling me when we are done tonight I am going right back into lock up to. She really seems to be growing into the role. I think this lock up is only until Wednesday though. Next weekend we are going to a wedding for my cousin and we are staying at her parents house. I would think I will be loose as that has been how it was in the past but after this past week who knows. Will need to discuss with her tonight.

Surviving the Holiday Kind of....

It is Black Friday, luckily my wife and I generally don't really get into it.

I am not sure why but Thanksgiving is never a good holiday for us and this year is no exception. There has been a lot of fighting, I haven't looked but I am sure I have gotten a few entries in the book. Wednesday night there was suppose to be some teasing and denial but we go into a big fight. So bad she was threatening to add an extra week of lock down!!! This 8 days is longer then we have ever gone locked up but I could not imagine 15 days. She did start playing with my cock last night. But then our son had a really bad crisis and was supper upset. So he came in and slept in our bed. I was so frustrated!!!

True to her word my wife has kept me locked. I even broke down and asked to be let out this morning, her response was to giggle and say "No." Getting even a few minutes to talk has been challenging but finally got a few minutes with her and I told her that I really feel disconnected and neglected (other then little things we are totally out of our routine, haven't even gotten to shave or put coconut oil on her legs) then added that I very horny. She laughed and just well you have 48 hours left then thought and said no more like 60-70. At least she was talking hours and not 9 more days as she had threatened.

Holiday Week

This is going to be an interesting week. Yes, I did get locked back up and my wife has decided that she wants to push our comfort zones. So I will be locked while her family is here, this is something she has been unwilling to do before. And that I am to be in panty hose during their visit as well.  They arrive tomorrow night so she has moved up our maintenance spanking to tonight

When her parents are here it is interesting in that she just normally becomes a lot more bossy. Normally she tries to fight it but she has told me this week she is going to embrace it and be very bossy and that she is really looking forward to it. To which I have been told I will be decorating on Friday for Christmas. It may sound stupid but I hate dealing with this and generally find ways out of it. As I have said before the times they are a changing.

Play Tonight!

Last night I went to my wife and said that I think I have been doing really good with the changes and have been trying really hard to be mindful of her. As such I said I would really like for us to have some play time. She said she would think about it.

Today I asked when she was locking me up again. She responded tonight after we play and have sex!!!! Bonus plan! Of course I had for some fun on Sunday to but it isn't my place to say. I have been unlocked for a couple of days but have not gotten to cum, to me that is harder then being locked and not getting to cum.

And another bit of progress, I asked when I was getting out. She responded she is torn on whether she unlocks me before her family gets here or if she keeps me locked the entire time they are here. In the past she has never been open to keeping me locked when either of our families were around. Now the fact that she is even considering it is a big step (of course she could just be teasing).

Frankly, she never wants to have sex when her parents are staying with us. So I won't be getting to cum so I would rather stay locked. But it is her decision.

To be in full disclosure, my wife does not read these posts before I make them. So they are my unfiltered thoughts but she does read them (I give the posts to read after they are up), so the post may have some influence in her decision.

"You seem to be struggling"

As I said yesterday, I have just been trying to do what is expected of me. Keep my head down and get my chores done. And take care of everything. And let the rest work itself out.
My wife was stuck at work so I ended up dealing with homework and taking care of a lot of the things that she normally handles. When she came home she seemed pretty distant and wasn't talking very much to me.  I had her tea ready but wasn't able to meet her at the door like I normally do because of homework. I didn't get a thank you for all the stuff I just handled, of course I didn't go through it all because I figured it was just expected. In still learning my new place I guess I thought I would get a thank you or something. But looking back I agree I shouldn't have expected it. I should have just been glad I could make things easier since she was late. She ate dinner and we all watched TV.
When we got upstairs, I am not exactly sure what happened but she and our son had some issue. She came out and said you need to deal with him and put him to bed. I just said "ok." She then said she was going to sit in the tub and relax. I watched some tv with the kid and then put him to bed.
I guess you could say I was frustrated. I was trying to be responsive and get everything handled that I was suppose to but she just felt really distant, I guess it was a bad day but she didn't really communicate. Frustrated, I went in to the bathroom and asked to be excused so that I could go play the PS4. She said sure so off I went to try and just relax.
When I got back upstairs we had a quick chat and I sat back to read. About a half hour later, she said that when she was back downstairs she was noting in the Behavior Modification Plan notebook my going downstairs to play video games rather then be available to dry her off, as she wanted, after her tub (she didn't say anything when I asked, I was just suppose to realize I would be needed).  To be honest I hadn't even thought about it. I had been focused on all the tings I had done that were not even noticed. So I guess the punishment will teach me a lesson about mindfulness.
Then she said "You seemed to be struggling with the changes we are working on. So I think we should do the maintenance tonight to help you refocus." I was then told to get undressed. I quickly remember that the punishment implements she likes to use were in the basement. And told her so, figuring I'd be made to run down and get them. Instead she had me grab her hairbrush.
So yeah I got thrashed last night, not as bad as a punishment session but it still sucked. She helped me to remember my place and where I am suppose to be focused.

Just serving

Not much really going on, my wife was sick this weekend and was nice enough to share it with me. Been cooking a lot, cleaning and dealing with laundry. Last night we bathed together and she had me shave her legs, she said she is really enjoying this routine. I was unlocked this weekend and was suppose to be locked again last night but our son had some nightmares so we were not able to lock me down.

She is working late tonight so we will continue to not be in our regular routine. I am just trying to do the things that make her life easier. And hoping that at some point it will lead to more kinky fun.

Deflated balloon

I guess I should start with I am angry.... watching tv with my wife sleeping next to me. Tonight was suppose to be a night of fireworks (tonight was the night I was getting unlocked). Now I should have known things were not going to work out when my wife suggested a night off for me because I just got the PS4. Frankly, I was more interested in sex and told her so, but she assured me boom boom was happening... just that I might want to focus on the games.
So when we finally got our son down...I asked to be unlocked (I had to pee and I was hoping to be unlocked anyway), she said sure. Unlocked me and said "sure but we are not having sex."..WTF?!? She then explained that she was tired and had gotten a headache (which has apparently happen nightly since she started the training class she was in).
There were numerous times today where she said we were having sex. Frankly, I would not be as aggravated if it was a case of her saying "I changed my mind." But the thing is I needed to be unlocked tomorrow morning (exercise related activity), and realistically we would not be up before kid, so it had to be tonight.
No, I am not doing anything with my freedom. Just really frustrated and disappointed.

Self Doubt

I am sure by now people realize I am a glass is half empty type of guy. I have been filled with a lot of self doubt today. Is this the right thing for me? Am I nuts to want this? A lot is probably due to the stress we are dealing with, I am trying to adjust to going into the office part time and my wife is taking a class from home. We just don't do well with breaks in routine (I recognize all this is a change in routine but it has been working).

Then I walked out of the bedroom and my wife was grinning at me. As I put on my pantyhose and got dressed (yes, she makes me wear pantyhose. Panties didn't work for us. But she likes the way pantyhose change my mindset). I asked why she was grinning, she said she liked watching me put on pantyhose and knowing that I was locked up. All of this interaction reassured me and made it worked for me.

I really know that this is what I want but it is just a lot of adjusting. I hope I can push on through and I do not know that I have a choice as my wife is really taking to it. Tomorrow, there is a lot planned which will probably correct my self doubt...maintenance spanking and my wife expects to be serviced.

A look at my new life

So I am locked up again. I have been told release will be Friday, I am hoping knowing when I will get out will make it easier to cope and not get cranky.

I thought I would describe my night as it might give some view of the changes that have occurred. My wife is in a training class that she is doing from home but goes until 7pm. I went up stairs and folded and put away all of the laundry while I waited for her to finish. Once our son went to sleep, I walked the dogs for their final walk. When I got back I prepared a tub for my wife and I. And then I shaved her legs in the tub. Once we got out I gave her a light massage to her lower body. After I put coconut oil on her legs and feet. She then decided she was hungry so I ran downstairs to get her dinner and to clean up the kitchen.

Oh and in case you didn't think she did anything she made sure to smack my private parts for a good while. Yes, this is my new life.

Getting Back on Track

So this week we are working on getting back on track. We had gotten to a really good place last week and I think we are both anxious to get back to that place. I have gotten the laundry done and made her tea so we are definitely moving back into that space.

She told me I am getting locked back up today but that she might let me have an orgasm before (I am really hopeful). I have seen on some of the chastity boards that some have found hypnosis files helpful. I am thinking that I may give it a try. I am just use to cumming a lot so I seem to get cranky after just a couple of days. Anyone try them before? I am not a believer in it but hoping it might help.

Quick Check-In

Just wanted to drop a quick note that I am alive and ok. My wife had a death in the family so we had to go up to New York. It has been very stressful for her and we have been on a kind of a break, she unlocked me and said she was going to still boss me around but it really didn't happen.

And as she would be quick to point out there is something going on with me, I am cranky and grouchy. Not sure why but just have been not getting a lot of sleep and dealing with a ton of stress. She has told me she is giving me a pass for the weekend and nothing will go into the BMP notebook (I asked her what BMP meant and she told me it was "Behavior Modification Plan"). I have the rest of the night off to figure it out because tomorrow we are back full time.

First Punishment Settling Up

Let me start with the fact that things are really going great. My wife really seems to be in the groove of ordering me around and I am loving it! This morning she told me that she had a dream that for an important annual business trip she goes on every year she had ordered me to pack for her. Apparently, in the dream, I forgot to pack basically everything (make-up, shoes, underwear) and she was pissed. I was just floored that she is dreaming about me in service.

So I know there are a lot of different ways FLRs handle discipline. The way we have decided to handle it is with a punishment log. My wife notes the date, the issue and the penalty. Right now she is just counting whacks but other things can be used (lines, corner time, etc...). Well, I have racked up a lot (100 whacks), we were suppose to settle up the other day but as can happen life gets in the way. I made the comment that maybe we just didn't need the discipline element. That got a really dirty look in response.

The time had come to settle up, we have a playroom in our basement (that had until recently become a storage closet but I got in working order when we decided on this change in lifestyle). My wife had me get undressed while she remained clothed. She sat on a chair that for her is a throne (for me something else), she had me rub her feet as she read through my infractions. I knew the infractions, as I have access to the book, but she added comments about how and why she was displeased. She said this is what we both consented to and we are going to do.

And then she said "you know this is not going to be fun? This is going to be very hard. I want you to at least take half of your punishment whacks." I then got on our spanking bench. MY GOD it sucked!!! Things she used on me were a heavy wooden spoon we got from a vacation. A strap that I had gotten her for Christmas that we never got around to using. A wooden paddle that just went right through me. And lastly, an implement that I don't even know how to describe but ouch! I'd love to say I was man enough to have held up through the full 100 whacks or even met her expectation of 50. Nope, 40 and she had mercy (I didn't ask but she knew I couldn't handle anymore). She asked if I was going to work on my attitude which of course I will and then had me kissing her feet.

Afterwards I was put into a body bag with head phones with electronic music on and left in the dark. This wasn't part of the punishment rather something I asked for the quiet time because of the stress I have been under with work. I just wanted to get out of my head. She left me in the room lights off for me to go where I needed to. Originally, this time was suppose to have not been in conjunction to the settling up of punishment. But it really worked, as I laid there all I thought about was servicing her and doing my best to make her happy. At one point she came in and put her foot in my face asking if I was ok. And then towards the end she came in but I was a bit out of it and with the music didn't notice her come in. She thought I was asleep and I said "no, I was just thinking that this is real and was thinking about how long we have talked about doing this. But that this was real."

Of course I still owe her 60 more whacks.

Released and Locked

Last night I had thought I would be allowed to have sex but was told you're not coming tonight but maybe tomorrow. Was a bit of let down but she makes the rules and I accepted it. My wife was off today and she was upstairs watching tv so I figured I should take a shot. I called her on the phone and asking for sex and surprisingly she said sure. I jumped at my chance and got upstairs before she changed her mind.

The dryer had just finished though so I quickly folded and put all of our laundry away. Went in and as we started, she said "I am not sure why I am doing this. What have you done that you deserve this?" Boy I was glad I just dealt with the laundry. After we were done she made me crawl between her legs and lick up my mess. That was really gross, the concept is always hotter before you cum.

Got cleaned up and went downstairs and got back to work. About 15 minutes later I got a call that I needed to be locked up (I had been on the honor system the last couple of days). So I went up and got locked into the Jailbird again.

After awhile I started having some self doubts about the FLR and some of the humiliating things she has been doing to me. I went up and kneeled next to her and asked if we could talk I said I was concerned again that she was just doing this because I wanted it and did it really interest her? Then I asked if she was able to respect me with some of the humiliating things she is doing to me (like making me clean up my mess). As I asked these questions she had a big smile on her face and said yes, all of this was really working for her and it is why she called me to be locked up and that yes, she loved and respected me and found the humiliating things she is putting me through hot.

Now I am back to being horny as hell and locked up so there is nothing I can do about it.

Household chores

I know a lot of people that blog about FLRs talk about the husband being responsible for doing all of the household chores. I really have no idea how they make that work (unless they are house husbands). Our loves are just too crazy with everything going on.
That doesn't mean that chores are changing. When we started out I was told I needed to make the bed everyday. And then this past weekend, I had to work all weekend so was pretty much trapped at our house (I work from home). Saturday morning she talked about the fact that our laundry was out of control. She started it and then went running around doing things with our son. Since I was stuck at home I decided I should make her life easier and spent time folding clothes and transferring clothes for washer to dryer (I won't start the wash as I generally screw it up). When they came home my wife was blown away and incredibly happy.
Sunday was pretty much more of the same. Me, being stuck at home for work and her taking our son out and doing fun activities. Again, she had started the laundry so I spent time getting all of that taken care of. And she had told me she wanted kielbasa and sauerkraut for dinner so with work I was running around a lot. Because I also needed to straighten up the kitchen and other things. Again she was thrilled at everything that had gotten done. Later in the night we again had a really good discussion about where we were. And she said my dealing with the laundry after she starts it was really really working for her. And to be honest it really worked for me too.
As I said when I started this post I really do not believe we will ever go to me handling all the household chores. To us it is really just unrealistic. But I will say the chores that I have taken over really do something to my mindset, if that makes any sense? As I am doing the chores I am realizing I am doing these things to make my wife's life easier and that it is an act of service and I don't know as my wife said it just really works for me.

Asking her why?

We have been talking about the possibility of changing our relationship to female led for what seems like forever. It is funny the way we actually decided to move forward with it. We were at a meeting with a doctor and it came out that she wanted everything done her way. It was kind of an off the cuff comment (and probably a realization for her). We didn't talk anymore about it that day but it kind of was the 800lbs elephant in the room. A couple of days later I bump her through g-chat and asked if she really meant wanting control? She said yeah she thought she did. So we spent a couple of weeks talking through it and what it would mean. 

During our little speed bump the other night we had some great discussions, I asked her about why she thought this new relationship would be good for us. She told me that she thought we would have more focus and direction in our relationship. She is always more focused on getting things done and I guess you could say given my chance I am lazy.Then she talked about how it will give us structure and we will help with how we relate to each other.

Then we went on to discuss chastity and her wanting me locked up. Because to be frank I understand why guys get something out of it but not really sure about the woman. She explained that the control is really appealing but also that it will give me focus I will do the things that I need to do. She said you will just do what I want to do because it is what I want and will not have to worry about whether it will mean you get to cum because you will be locked up. I do have to say that my me ache in my cage.

 

Hitting speed bumps along the way to an FLR

So in our agreeing to try and make a female led relationship (FLR) we both agreed that we would face bumps along the way before it would really be the way our relationship was. Boy, did we hit one of those bumps on Tuesday and it was a really big one!

Monday night I was really expecting a lot of play as we had agreed we really needed to start pushing the FLR. To me that meant play of some kind or a higher service or I don't know but just expected a lot. We did have a really nice night with a lot of teasing since she had locked me up the night before. But as I said I just had a lot of expectations (come on I am a guy and we all expect the fantasy which has no basis in reality).

So Tuesday morning I was feeling really frustrated and aggravated. I went and wrote a very long email outlining all of my issues and why I was so upset. As I was writing the email, I did start to realize that maybe I wasn't right to be so worked up but nah how could I be wrong. When she received the mail I got a note back just saying I had given her a lot to think about. We talked later through gchat and she quickly let me know that she was really upset by it.

I won't bore everyone with all of the discussions (there was a lot and really I think we both grew through working our way over this bump) that we had but at some point the light-bulb finally went on in my head. I agreed to led her lead our relationship and I had agreed to give her control of what and when we do things and I just need to accept that if this is going to work. This is not about all of my kinky fantasies, this is about surrendering control to her and letting her guide this relationship.

By the end of the night we were really in I think a good place. Although we both were frustrated and upset at various points at the end of the day she told me "We are not going to give this up just because we hit a bump. We are going to do this for a few months, if then we decide it is not for us then we move on. But we are going to work and push forward with this." That was great to hear. Then she said that she needs to keep in mind that when she decides something that's it that's the way it is going to be. And I just need to accept that is it or I will have to deal with the consequences.

This was a really big bump for us and I expect anyone that is trying to set up an FLR/WLM probably all have a bump along the way that is pretty similar (who knows I could be wrong). But I suspect everyone in these relations has an expectation of what it will be like and the reality is always going to be different. Accepting that the female should be shall we say selfish and putting herself first is not the normal model out there. And for the male to give up control and accepting your wife's leadership.

Stress Test (Sounds worrisome)

A lot has gone on since Monday when I started this but really slammed with work today so just have time for a quick post.

We are big fans of a show called Bar Rescue and on the show they like to do something called a stress test to identify the weaknesses of the bar that need to be fixed. Well with all that has gone on (which will be at least two to three separate posts when I have time to get my thoughts together), she has decided that we need a stress test to identify the weakness we need to address in our move to a FLR. She told me it is going to be really hard and fast and there will no cutting of slack in my performance. And she plans on pushing both of us really hard...Her in being selfish and focusing on her needs and me to just accept and not question or pout.

I am more then a little nervous.

Down the rabbit hole

I am starting this blog to document my journey as my wife and I move into a kinky Female Led Relationship (FLR) from our normal marriage. I am definitely excited about this change but at the same time am very nervous. I really want us to go very deep into this but at the same time am concerned about getting in over my head.

We changed our relationship model a couple of weeks ago but really it has pretty vanilla. To be clear we both identify as kinky but my wife wanted for us to adjust slowly. Last week we were suppose to have moved into a kinkier FLR model. But do to circumstances beyond our control we had been unable to.

Things seem to be changing now though, last night she put me in a chastity device and beat me with a wooden spoon. Today, I bumped her and asked that we have a conversation when she had time. She said "Now would be fine." So I told her that if she was more interested in a vanilla FLR I would accept that but that I really wanted/needed more. She agreed and we talked for awhile, I told her I really wanted us to go a lot farther and she definitely agreed.

I then asked if it would be alright for me to start a blog where I track our journey and put my thoughts and feelings out there. So that is how this blog came to be.