During our little speed bump the other night we had some great discussions, I asked her about why she thought this new relationship would be good for us. She told me that she thought we would have more focus and direction in our relationship. She is always more focused on getting things done and I guess you could say given my chance I am lazy.Then she talked about how it will give us structure and we will help with how we relate to each other.
Then we went on to discuss chastity and her wanting me locked up. Because to be frank I understand why guys get something out of it but not really sure about the woman. She explained that the control is really appealing but also that it will give me focus I will do the things that I need to do. She said you will just do what I want to do because it is what I want and will not have to worry about whether it will mean you get to cum because you will be locked up. I do have to say that my me ache in my cage.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteInteresting blog, glad I found it. I can't offer any real "answers", just some support as it relates to my own experiences. I think you are in a good place in that it seems like you have an open communication channel with your wife. My sense is that you are probably talking things too fast, though. We have been experimenting with FLR for a number of years now, and continually hit "speed bumps" as you call them. It is frustrating, but I think that's the way it is. Unless your wife is "naturally dominant" (mine isn't at all), you're role-reversing years of cultural norms ingrained into our culture. Don't underestimate that.
A quick example for me: I told my wife I wanted her to play with my nipples and she was very reluctant, because her own nipples are very sensitive, in a bad way. She didn't want to because she has such negative associations with pain in her nipples. It simply took her a while to overcome that, to realize that I want what is uncomfortable for her to be done for me. She then realized that she likes the reaction from me when she is rough on my nipples. Now, it's a pretty regular part of our play.
FLR's are different things to different people. It so happens that her dominance over me is mainly in the bedroom. I have fantasies that she told me she would never do, like ordering for me in a restaurant, or telling me what to do, or punishing me. It's just not her. I have to rest those fantasies aside, it's probably never going to happen.
But what does seem to appeal to her is having sex play where she is not "obligated" to pleasure me. I can tell that she has a deep-seated disdain for me having "expectations" of her. So she is more and more comfortable with engaging in sex play if she directs what happens. And she has learned that she prefers me to be denied and horny. Lately, she has been allowing me a good deal of orgasms, but it's explicitly known to both of us that she decides what level of pleasure I receive.
On a final note, I think the fact that she engages in enforced chastity to be a really positive sign. My wife only seems to want me locked if we are apart, and she forgets to enforce it on me.
Anyway, I think you are in a good spot, just take it slow and take advantage of her willingness to communicate. I look forward to how your FLR progresses.
Cheers,
sherulestherooster
Thank you for the reply. I have been reading your blog for some time. My wife appreciated your thoughtful comment and wanted to make sure I responded.
DeleteIn terms of taking it to fast at least in the kinkier types of areas the thing to keep in mind is we have been at times very active in the BDSM community (not so much for awhile now...family, life get in the way). That's actually where we met, so in terms of the activities so we are pretty comfortable with them (although she is starting to push comfort zones in some areas but we both knew the areas were going to be pushed).
The speed bumps for us are for me accepting her leadership and decisions. And realizing that we both have active, busy lives so it will not be kinky play and sex all the time. For her it is learning to be selfish and not standing for me pouting and arguing with her. We are really pushing our comfort zone with the 24/7 and her having basically most of the control (we are both realistic people if I need to go to the bathroom I don't seek permission, I manage the household finances because it is something I am good at). That's where it is challenging for us and we are working our way through.
Be well,
WLM Hubby