So in our agreeing to try and make a female led relationship (FLR) we both agreed that we would face bumps along the way before it would really be the way our relationship was. Boy, did we hit one of those bumps on Tuesday and it was a really big one!
Monday night I was really expecting a lot of play as we had agreed we really needed to start pushing the FLR. To me that meant play of some kind or a higher service or I don't know but just expected a lot. We did have a really nice night with a lot of teasing since she had locked me up the night before. But as I said I just had a lot of expectations (come on I am a guy and we all expect the fantasy which has no basis in reality).
So Tuesday morning I was feeling really frustrated and aggravated. I went and wrote a very long email outlining all of my issues and why I was so upset. As I was writing the email, I did start to realize that maybe I wasn't right to be so worked up but nah how could I be wrong. When she received the mail I got a note back just saying I had given her a lot to think about. We talked later through gchat and she quickly let me know that she was really upset by it.
I won't bore everyone with all of the discussions (there was a lot and really I think we both grew through working our way over this bump) that we had but at some point the light-bulb finally went on in my head. I agreed to led her lead our relationship and I had agreed to give her control of what and when we do things and I just need to accept that if this is going to work. This is not about all of my kinky fantasies, this is about surrendering control to her and letting her guide this relationship.
By the end of the night we were really in I think a good place. Although we both were frustrated and upset at various points at the end of the day she told me "We are not going to give this up just because we hit a bump. We are going to do this for a few months, if then we decide it is not for us then we move on. But we are going to work and push forward with this." That was great to hear. Then she said that she needs to keep in mind that when she decides something that's it that's the way it is going to be. And I just need to accept that is it or I will have to deal with the consequences.
This was a really big bump for us and I expect anyone that is trying to set up an FLR/WLM probably all have a bump along the way that is pretty similar (who knows I could be wrong). But I suspect everyone in these relations has an expectation of what it will be like and the reality is always going to be different. Accepting that the female should be shall we say selfish and putting herself first is not the normal model out there. And for the male to give up control and accepting your wife's leadership.
Oh dear my friend, you have a lot to learn :o) I'm not going to repeat what I've already said ten different ways on my own blog, but maybe have a read of it sometime. I know all couples are different, but I've heard enough stories and experiences to know that most women follow a similar pattern when dealing with a situation like yours.
ReplyDeleteIf I were you I'd forget about the kink and fantasy and concentrate on submitting to your wife, and learning to enjoy the fact that she is in control, you are locked, many would give anything just for that, and take satisfaction from the fact that she is in charge. the more that you give her what SHE wants the more she will want to encourage your submission in ways that you may also like.
Thanks for the comment and I agree. That's really what this post was about that I had that "AH HA" moment. The moment where I realized that this is what it is about giving up control and accepting her guidance.
ReplyDelete