Surviving the Holiday Kind of....

It is Black Friday, luckily my wife and I generally don't really get into it.

I am not sure why but Thanksgiving is never a good holiday for us and this year is no exception. There has been a lot of fighting, I haven't looked but I am sure I have gotten a few entries in the book. Wednesday night there was suppose to be some teasing and denial but we go into a big fight. So bad she was threatening to add an extra week of lock down!!! This 8 days is longer then we have ever gone locked up but I could not imagine 15 days. She did start playing with my cock last night. But then our son had a really bad crisis and was supper upset. So he came in and slept in our bed. I was so frustrated!!!

True to her word my wife has kept me locked. I even broke down and asked to be let out this morning, her response was to giggle and say "No." Getting even a few minutes to talk has been challenging but finally got a few minutes with her and I told her that I really feel disconnected and neglected (other then little things we are totally out of our routine, haven't even gotten to shave or put coconut oil on her legs) then added that I very horny. She laughed and just well you have 48 hours left then thought and said no more like 60-70. At least she was talking hours and not 9 more days as she had threatened.

Holiday Week

This is going to be an interesting week. Yes, I did get locked back up and my wife has decided that she wants to push our comfort zones. So I will be locked while her family is here, this is something she has been unwilling to do before. And that I am to be in panty hose during their visit as well.  They arrive tomorrow night so she has moved up our maintenance spanking to tonight

When her parents are here it is interesting in that she just normally becomes a lot more bossy. Normally she tries to fight it but she has told me this week she is going to embrace it and be very bossy and that she is really looking forward to it. To which I have been told I will be decorating on Friday for Christmas. It may sound stupid but I hate dealing with this and generally find ways out of it. As I have said before the times they are a changing.

Play Tonight!

Last night I went to my wife and said that I think I have been doing really good with the changes and have been trying really hard to be mindful of her. As such I said I would really like for us to have some play time. She said she would think about it.

Today I asked when she was locking me up again. She responded tonight after we play and have sex!!!! Bonus plan! Of course I had for some fun on Sunday to but it isn't my place to say. I have been unlocked for a couple of days but have not gotten to cum, to me that is harder then being locked and not getting to cum.

And another bit of progress, I asked when I was getting out. She responded she is torn on whether she unlocks me before her family gets here or if she keeps me locked the entire time they are here. In the past she has never been open to keeping me locked when either of our families were around. Now the fact that she is even considering it is a big step (of course she could just be teasing).

Frankly, she never wants to have sex when her parents are staying with us. So I won't be getting to cum so I would rather stay locked. But it is her decision.

To be in full disclosure, my wife does not read these posts before I make them. So they are my unfiltered thoughts but she does read them (I give the posts to read after they are up), so the post may have some influence in her decision.

"You seem to be struggling"

As I said yesterday, I have just been trying to do what is expected of me. Keep my head down and get my chores done. And take care of everything. And let the rest work itself out.
My wife was stuck at work so I ended up dealing with homework and taking care of a lot of the things that she normally handles. When she came home she seemed pretty distant and wasn't talking very much to me.  I had her tea ready but wasn't able to meet her at the door like I normally do because of homework. I didn't get a thank you for all the stuff I just handled, of course I didn't go through it all because I figured it was just expected. In still learning my new place I guess I thought I would get a thank you or something. But looking back I agree I shouldn't have expected it. I should have just been glad I could make things easier since she was late. She ate dinner and we all watched TV.
When we got upstairs, I am not exactly sure what happened but she and our son had some issue. She came out and said you need to deal with him and put him to bed. I just said "ok." She then said she was going to sit in the tub and relax. I watched some tv with the kid and then put him to bed.
I guess you could say I was frustrated. I was trying to be responsive and get everything handled that I was suppose to but she just felt really distant, I guess it was a bad day but she didn't really communicate. Frustrated, I went in to the bathroom and asked to be excused so that I could go play the PS4. She said sure so off I went to try and just relax.
When I got back upstairs we had a quick chat and I sat back to read. About a half hour later, she said that when she was back downstairs she was noting in the Behavior Modification Plan notebook my going downstairs to play video games rather then be available to dry her off, as she wanted, after her tub (she didn't say anything when I asked, I was just suppose to realize I would be needed).  To be honest I hadn't even thought about it. I had been focused on all the tings I had done that were not even noticed. So I guess the punishment will teach me a lesson about mindfulness.
Then she said "You seemed to be struggling with the changes we are working on. So I think we should do the maintenance tonight to help you refocus." I was then told to get undressed. I quickly remember that the punishment implements she likes to use were in the basement. And told her so, figuring I'd be made to run down and get them. Instead she had me grab her hairbrush.
So yeah I got thrashed last night, not as bad as a punishment session but it still sucked. She helped me to remember my place and where I am suppose to be focused.

Just serving

Not much really going on, my wife was sick this weekend and was nice enough to share it with me. Been cooking a lot, cleaning and dealing with laundry. Last night we bathed together and she had me shave her legs, she said she is really enjoying this routine. I was unlocked this weekend and was suppose to be locked again last night but our son had some nightmares so we were not able to lock me down.

She is working late tonight so we will continue to not be in our regular routine. I am just trying to do the things that make her life easier. And hoping that at some point it will lead to more kinky fun.

Deflated balloon

I guess I should start with I am angry.... watching tv with my wife sleeping next to me. Tonight was suppose to be a night of fireworks (tonight was the night I was getting unlocked). Now I should have known things were not going to work out when my wife suggested a night off for me because I just got the PS4. Frankly, I was more interested in sex and told her so, but she assured me boom boom was happening... just that I might want to focus on the games.
So when we finally got our son down...I asked to be unlocked (I had to pee and I was hoping to be unlocked anyway), she said sure. Unlocked me and said "sure but we are not having sex."..WTF?!? She then explained that she was tired and had gotten a headache (which has apparently happen nightly since she started the training class she was in).
There were numerous times today where she said we were having sex. Frankly, I would not be as aggravated if it was a case of her saying "I changed my mind." But the thing is I needed to be unlocked tomorrow morning (exercise related activity), and realistically we would not be up before kid, so it had to be tonight.
No, I am not doing anything with my freedom. Just really frustrated and disappointed.

Self Doubt

I am sure by now people realize I am a glass is half empty type of guy. I have been filled with a lot of self doubt today. Is this the right thing for me? Am I nuts to want this? A lot is probably due to the stress we are dealing with, I am trying to adjust to going into the office part time and my wife is taking a class from home. We just don't do well with breaks in routine (I recognize all this is a change in routine but it has been working).

Then I walked out of the bedroom and my wife was grinning at me. As I put on my pantyhose and got dressed (yes, she makes me wear pantyhose. Panties didn't work for us. But she likes the way pantyhose change my mindset). I asked why she was grinning, she said she liked watching me put on pantyhose and knowing that I was locked up. All of this interaction reassured me and made it worked for me.

I really know that this is what I want but it is just a lot of adjusting. I hope I can push on through and I do not know that I have a choice as my wife is really taking to it. Tomorrow, there is a lot planned which will probably correct my self doubt...maintenance spanking and my wife expects to be serviced.

A look at my new life

So I am locked up again. I have been told release will be Friday, I am hoping knowing when I will get out will make it easier to cope and not get cranky.

I thought I would describe my night as it might give some view of the changes that have occurred. My wife is in a training class that she is doing from home but goes until 7pm. I went up stairs and folded and put away all of the laundry while I waited for her to finish. Once our son went to sleep, I walked the dogs for their final walk. When I got back I prepared a tub for my wife and I. And then I shaved her legs in the tub. Once we got out I gave her a light massage to her lower body. After I put coconut oil on her legs and feet. She then decided she was hungry so I ran downstairs to get her dinner and to clean up the kitchen.

Oh and in case you didn't think she did anything she made sure to smack my private parts for a good while. Yes, this is my new life.

Getting Back on Track

So this week we are working on getting back on track. We had gotten to a really good place last week and I think we are both anxious to get back to that place. I have gotten the laundry done and made her tea so we are definitely moving back into that space.

She told me I am getting locked back up today but that she might let me have an orgasm before (I am really hopeful). I have seen on some of the chastity boards that some have found hypnosis files helpful. I am thinking that I may give it a try. I am just use to cumming a lot so I seem to get cranky after just a couple of days. Anyone try them before? I am not a believer in it but hoping it might help.

Quick Check-In

Just wanted to drop a quick note that I am alive and ok. My wife had a death in the family so we had to go up to New York. It has been very stressful for her and we have been on a kind of a break, she unlocked me and said she was going to still boss me around but it really didn't happen.

And as she would be quick to point out there is something going on with me, I am cranky and grouchy. Not sure why but just have been not getting a lot of sleep and dealing with a ton of stress. She has told me she is giving me a pass for the weekend and nothing will go into the BMP notebook (I asked her what BMP meant and she told me it was "Behavior Modification Plan"). I have the rest of the night off to figure it out because tomorrow we are back full time.

First Punishment Settling Up

Let me start with the fact that things are really going great. My wife really seems to be in the groove of ordering me around and I am loving it! This morning she told me that she had a dream that for an important annual business trip she goes on every year she had ordered me to pack for her. Apparently, in the dream, I forgot to pack basically everything (make-up, shoes, underwear) and she was pissed. I was just floored that she is dreaming about me in service.

So I know there are a lot of different ways FLRs handle discipline. The way we have decided to handle it is with a punishment log. My wife notes the date, the issue and the penalty. Right now she is just counting whacks but other things can be used (lines, corner time, etc...). Well, I have racked up a lot (100 whacks), we were suppose to settle up the other day but as can happen life gets in the way. I made the comment that maybe we just didn't need the discipline element. That got a really dirty look in response.

The time had come to settle up, we have a playroom in our basement (that had until recently become a storage closet but I got in working order when we decided on this change in lifestyle). My wife had me get undressed while she remained clothed. She sat on a chair that for her is a throne (for me something else), she had me rub her feet as she read through my infractions. I knew the infractions, as I have access to the book, but she added comments about how and why she was displeased. She said this is what we both consented to and we are going to do.

And then she said "you know this is not going to be fun? This is going to be very hard. I want you to at least take half of your punishment whacks." I then got on our spanking bench. MY GOD it sucked!!! Things she used on me were a heavy wooden spoon we got from a vacation. A strap that I had gotten her for Christmas that we never got around to using. A wooden paddle that just went right through me. And lastly, an implement that I don't even know how to describe but ouch! I'd love to say I was man enough to have held up through the full 100 whacks or even met her expectation of 50. Nope, 40 and she had mercy (I didn't ask but she knew I couldn't handle anymore). She asked if I was going to work on my attitude which of course I will and then had me kissing her feet.

Afterwards I was put into a body bag with head phones with electronic music on and left in the dark. This wasn't part of the punishment rather something I asked for the quiet time because of the stress I have been under with work. I just wanted to get out of my head. She left me in the room lights off for me to go where I needed to. Originally, this time was suppose to have not been in conjunction to the settling up of punishment. But it really worked, as I laid there all I thought about was servicing her and doing my best to make her happy. At one point she came in and put her foot in my face asking if I was ok. And then towards the end she came in but I was a bit out of it and with the music didn't notice her come in. She thought I was asleep and I said "no, I was just thinking that this is real and was thinking about how long we have talked about doing this. But that this was real."

Of course I still owe her 60 more whacks.

Released and Locked

Last night I had thought I would be allowed to have sex but was told you're not coming tonight but maybe tomorrow. Was a bit of let down but she makes the rules and I accepted it. My wife was off today and she was upstairs watching tv so I figured I should take a shot. I called her on the phone and asking for sex and surprisingly she said sure. I jumped at my chance and got upstairs before she changed her mind.

The dryer had just finished though so I quickly folded and put all of our laundry away. Went in and as we started, she said "I am not sure why I am doing this. What have you done that you deserve this?" Boy I was glad I just dealt with the laundry. After we were done she made me crawl between her legs and lick up my mess. That was really gross, the concept is always hotter before you cum.

Got cleaned up and went downstairs and got back to work. About 15 minutes later I got a call that I needed to be locked up (I had been on the honor system the last couple of days). So I went up and got locked into the Jailbird again.

After awhile I started having some self doubts about the FLR and some of the humiliating things she has been doing to me. I went up and kneeled next to her and asked if we could talk I said I was concerned again that she was just doing this because I wanted it and did it really interest her? Then I asked if she was able to respect me with some of the humiliating things she is doing to me (like making me clean up my mess). As I asked these questions she had a big smile on her face and said yes, all of this was really working for her and it is why she called me to be locked up and that yes, she loved and respected me and found the humiliating things she is putting me through hot.

Now I am back to being horny as hell and locked up so there is nothing I can do about it.

Household chores

I know a lot of people that blog about FLRs talk about the husband being responsible for doing all of the household chores. I really have no idea how they make that work (unless they are house husbands). Our loves are just too crazy with everything going on.
That doesn't mean that chores are changing. When we started out I was told I needed to make the bed everyday. And then this past weekend, I had to work all weekend so was pretty much trapped at our house (I work from home). Saturday morning she talked about the fact that our laundry was out of control. She started it and then went running around doing things with our son. Since I was stuck at home I decided I should make her life easier and spent time folding clothes and transferring clothes for washer to dryer (I won't start the wash as I generally screw it up). When they came home my wife was blown away and incredibly happy.
Sunday was pretty much more of the same. Me, being stuck at home for work and her taking our son out and doing fun activities. Again, she had started the laundry so I spent time getting all of that taken care of. And she had told me she wanted kielbasa and sauerkraut for dinner so with work I was running around a lot. Because I also needed to straighten up the kitchen and other things. Again she was thrilled at everything that had gotten done. Later in the night we again had a really good discussion about where we were. And she said my dealing with the laundry after she starts it was really really working for her. And to be honest it really worked for me too.
As I said when I started this post I really do not believe we will ever go to me handling all the household chores. To us it is really just unrealistic. But I will say the chores that I have taken over really do something to my mindset, if that makes any sense? As I am doing the chores I am realizing I am doing these things to make my wife's life easier and that it is an act of service and I don't know as my wife said it just really works for me.

Asking her why?

We have been talking about the possibility of changing our relationship to female led for what seems like forever. It is funny the way we actually decided to move forward with it. We were at a meeting with a doctor and it came out that she wanted everything done her way. It was kind of an off the cuff comment (and probably a realization for her). We didn't talk anymore about it that day but it kind of was the 800lbs elephant in the room. A couple of days later I bump her through g-chat and asked if she really meant wanting control? She said yeah she thought she did. So we spent a couple of weeks talking through it and what it would mean. 

During our little speed bump the other night we had some great discussions, I asked her about why she thought this new relationship would be good for us. She told me that she thought we would have more focus and direction in our relationship. She is always more focused on getting things done and I guess you could say given my chance I am lazy.Then she talked about how it will give us structure and we will help with how we relate to each other.

Then we went on to discuss chastity and her wanting me locked up. Because to be frank I understand why guys get something out of it but not really sure about the woman. She explained that the control is really appealing but also that it will give me focus I will do the things that I need to do. She said you will just do what I want to do because it is what I want and will not have to worry about whether it will mean you get to cum because you will be locked up. I do have to say that my me ache in my cage.