Getting Back on Track

Long time without posting but there really hasn't been a lot to say in terms of FLR or chastity. But I think there have been a lot of good conversations about our needs and what each of us needs for an FLR to work.

I know a lot of people that want FLRs say that BDSM and kink is really not their motivation. And I tried to think that way but made clear I would like for it to be. I learned that it is not a want for me but a need. I really really love my wife to be in control and making the decisions and my serving her but I need the BDSM & humiliation parts to for it to be satisfying for me. There was a blog post that was about dominance versus abuse but really captured the idea that some submissive husbands need these things for the FLR relationship to be fufilling (it can be found here: http://dommewife.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-fine-line-between-domination-and.html ). My wife was a little taken aback when I showed it to her because of the abuse discussion. I had to explain that I just felt the post captured exactly what I felt that I needed these aspects and it wasn't a simple want.

My wife has really been pushing for us to get back to it. But last week really it just wasn't going to work out but I agreed to start today. Then I really hadn't heard anything more about expectations or anything. So last night I told her it was up to her if we went back to it. I couldn't emotionally get excited for it and be let down again. All she said was ok and then again I voiced some of my frustration and her response was I have given it a lot of thought and I know what I want (not telling me if we were going forward or what her plan was).

This morning I woke up with her going through my drawers and pulling out a pair of panties that I was suppose to wear today. Later in the day I thanked her and she told me to go was out the pee ice trays and that she planned on refilling them this evening. And then she told me I should plan on being in the body bag this evening. So looks like she does have a plan but looks like I will only get to know, what I need to know, when I need to know it.

Moving Back into a Normal Routine

My in-laws were visiting this past weekend, which as I have said always makes my wife more shall we say demanding (others might say bitchy). And this weekend was definitely not the exception, she had me running around constantly. I think with her now having the dominant role in our relationship she really enjoys exerting it when her parents are around.

I was told I was getting sex last night and that it was going to be a good one (no ruined or clean-up). I was damn excited because I woke up yesterday extremely horny and was climbing the walls.Unfortunately as the day went I started feeling worse and worse with an ear ache and sore throat. I finally had to throw in the towel and ask for a rain check (I was that miserable) which my wife agreed too. So hopefully tonight!

I have gotten almost all of my chores done for today so hopefully there won't be much going into the Behavior Modification notebook. She has actively been using it again and the balance is going up. Not looking forward to settling up on that. 

I expect that this week we will be a lot more back in our routine. Chores, shaving her legs and massaging coconut oil into her legs and then orally servicing her at night . Maintenance spanking on Thursday night and  this Friday is her Friday off so expect she will be fucking my ass (our new game plan is that we do this on her Friday's off).

Best Laid Plans

Hi! Yes I am still out here. As I posted my wife had some pretty big plans for us after my birthday. Well none of it happened. The 21 day diet she wanted us to do really killed it I guess. The diet just gave her a constant headache and made me really moody. Then our fridge and dishwasher went so we ended up having to replace all of our kitchen appliances. So the stress at our house has been incredible.

So guess who has been more upset that things have fallen apart? Nope, not me. It is definitely my wife. She has been at an absolute loss and really not happy about the situation.

Things have finally settled down and we seem to not be having the problems we were with the diet and other stresses. So last night I asked her if she would want to go back to the way things were. I have never seen her respond as fast with a "YES!" We have agreed that we would go back after my trip next week to Dark Odyssey Winter Fire (http://www.darkodyssey.com/winterfire/home.php).

I have said it before but we really function better when she is actively leading the relationship. Hopefully this will get our mojo back.

"You seem to be struggling"

As I said yesterday, I have just been trying to do what is expected of me. Keep my head down and get my chores done. And take care of everything. And let the rest work itself out.
My wife was stuck at work so I ended up dealing with homework and taking care of a lot of the things that she normally handles. When she came home she seemed pretty distant and wasn't talking very much to me.  I had her tea ready but wasn't able to meet her at the door like I normally do because of homework. I didn't get a thank you for all the stuff I just handled, of course I didn't go through it all because I figured it was just expected. In still learning my new place I guess I thought I would get a thank you or something. But looking back I agree I shouldn't have expected it. I should have just been glad I could make things easier since she was late. She ate dinner and we all watched TV.
When we got upstairs, I am not exactly sure what happened but she and our son had some issue. She came out and said you need to deal with him and put him to bed. I just said "ok." She then said she was going to sit in the tub and relax. I watched some tv with the kid and then put him to bed.
I guess you could say I was frustrated. I was trying to be responsive and get everything handled that I was suppose to but she just felt really distant, I guess it was a bad day but she didn't really communicate. Frustrated, I went in to the bathroom and asked to be excused so that I could go play the PS4. She said sure so off I went to try and just relax.
When I got back upstairs we had a quick chat and I sat back to read. About a half hour later, she said that when she was back downstairs she was noting in the Behavior Modification Plan notebook my going downstairs to play video games rather then be available to dry her off, as she wanted, after her tub (she didn't say anything when I asked, I was just suppose to realize I would be needed).  To be honest I hadn't even thought about it. I had been focused on all the tings I had done that were not even noticed. So I guess the punishment will teach me a lesson about mindfulness.
Then she said "You seemed to be struggling with the changes we are working on. So I think we should do the maintenance tonight to help you refocus." I was then told to get undressed. I quickly remember that the punishment implements she likes to use were in the basement. And told her so, figuring I'd be made to run down and get them. Instead she had me grab her hairbrush.
So yeah I got thrashed last night, not as bad as a punishment session but it still sucked. She helped me to remember my place and where I am suppose to be focused.

First Punishment Settling Up

Let me start with the fact that things are really going great. My wife really seems to be in the groove of ordering me around and I am loving it! This morning she told me that she had a dream that for an important annual business trip she goes on every year she had ordered me to pack for her. Apparently, in the dream, I forgot to pack basically everything (make-up, shoes, underwear) and she was pissed. I was just floored that she is dreaming about me in service.

So I know there are a lot of different ways FLRs handle discipline. The way we have decided to handle it is with a punishment log. My wife notes the date, the issue and the penalty. Right now she is just counting whacks but other things can be used (lines, corner time, etc...). Well, I have racked up a lot (100 whacks), we were suppose to settle up the other day but as can happen life gets in the way. I made the comment that maybe we just didn't need the discipline element. That got a really dirty look in response.

The time had come to settle up, we have a playroom in our basement (that had until recently become a storage closet but I got in working order when we decided on this change in lifestyle). My wife had me get undressed while she remained clothed. She sat on a chair that for her is a throne (for me something else), she had me rub her feet as she read through my infractions. I knew the infractions, as I have access to the book, but she added comments about how and why she was displeased. She said this is what we both consented to and we are going to do.

And then she said "you know this is not going to be fun? This is going to be very hard. I want you to at least take half of your punishment whacks." I then got on our spanking bench. MY GOD it sucked!!! Things she used on me were a heavy wooden spoon we got from a vacation. A strap that I had gotten her for Christmas that we never got around to using. A wooden paddle that just went right through me. And lastly, an implement that I don't even know how to describe but ouch! I'd love to say I was man enough to have held up through the full 100 whacks or even met her expectation of 50. Nope, 40 and she had mercy (I didn't ask but she knew I couldn't handle anymore). She asked if I was going to work on my attitude which of course I will and then had me kissing her feet.

Afterwards I was put into a body bag with head phones with electronic music on and left in the dark. This wasn't part of the punishment rather something I asked for the quiet time because of the stress I have been under with work. I just wanted to get out of my head. She left me in the room lights off for me to go where I needed to. Originally, this time was suppose to have not been in conjunction to the settling up of punishment. But it really worked, as I laid there all I thought about was servicing her and doing my best to make her happy. At one point she came in and put her foot in my face asking if I was ok. And then towards the end she came in but I was a bit out of it and with the music didn't notice her come in. She thought I was asleep and I said "no, I was just thinking that this is real and was thinking about how long we have talked about doing this. But that this was real."

Of course I still owe her 60 more whacks.